Now that some bastard has slashed both tyres on my bike, I thought I'd check to see if I could fit it outside in my coal sheddie - A place I've not been since oooohhh 1998 when i first moved in?
Full with all sorts of shite! All sorts I tell you!
And from the contents of the sheddie... This is what I have surmised about the person that used to live in my flat:
Item 1) An Agatha Christie Book: Leads me to believe that the inhabitant was a little old lady who liked a good read.
Item 2) A chest of drawers (white) containing an old biro (chewed) and a large magnifying glass: Inhabitant was a little old lady who not only liked a good read but also likes a good mystery to solve.
Item 3) A handbag: It's all coming together!
Item 4) Containing... an old bank statement! : So. An aging amateur detective who shops at... ASDA and... B&Q!!
Item 5) An axe. OK. I have to rethink. Perhaps... Perhaps!!! It's a little old lady who reads crime novels (which she buys in Asda) so as best to know how to KILL PEOPLE! HORRIBLY BRUTALLY! With the AXE she's just bought in B&Q!!!
Item 6) A mouldy old plastic Christmas Tree: Because even octagenarian axe murderer likes Christmas.
Item 7) Steel toe-capped wellies: For she may be a really bad aim with that axe what with her eyes going and all...
Item 8) A wasps nest and an ice skate (honest!) Because once she's got the victim STUNG TO DEATH and hacked up... she's going to skate across a frozen loch, break a hole in the ice and dispose of the body that way.
What do you think?
Hmmm.
I won't give up my day job :P
Well... Not that many years ago I lived above a brothel in the Grey Toon in Scotland. Out of a confused mixture of irritation and amusement, I started to blog about it.
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