Hoors? Yeah... Hoors. Prostitutes, Tarts, Hookers, Ladies of Negotiable Affection, call them what you will. For 8 years or so I lived in granite tenement. My Neighbours Were Hoors. Sadly for us all (!?) the brothel was closed down and I moved out of the area. I never did get around to writing about the court case though...

Friday, November 24, 2006


Curiouser and curiouser. After the tea drinking visit of the police to the hoors the other week, I was sent away with work and I haven't had the change to tell you of the new developments… Mainly the appearance of some flat pack kitchen units and some lino in the tenement hallway. Then on Monday night there was a lot of hoovering and related cleaning noises. Then on Tuesday evening we noticed that… the curtains were gone! OK, so this doesn't really mean all that much. The dirty lace screen is still hanging up at the window, meaning we can't peer in. But the Hoors without curtains? Surely curtains are an essential for an operating tenement brothel!?

As for all the noise and stuff in teh hallway... Are they getting a bit of um... winter cleaning done… or has the whole tea drinking police/cleaning/kitchen improvements thing got a deeper meaning? Have the hoors finally been moved on?

Perhaps they’ve been evicted! I will keep you updated.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Police Presence

Eeeeeh but it's all so exciting!

As I type, there is a couple of police cars parked across the road and the hoors door is slightly open. When I came in just now, I could hear a Cockerney Hoor asking them if they wanted a cup of tea. (2 x Milk and 2 sugars).

It was all very calm. None of the usual screaming and carrying on that usually accompanies a visit of the police to the brothel on the ground floor...

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Neighbours From Hell (because I enjoy a good pun as much as anyone else)

Yeah! So it's been Hallowe'en.

And last night, in between worshipping the ancestors, cuddling ravens and dancing widdershins round our local bonfire, I popped home for supplies.

And, making a hell of a lot of noise getting in the front door (broomstick got wedged in the hinges), I obviously sounded like a punter arriving. So as I was passing the Hoors flat, the door opened - and there stood one of the more attractive Ebony Divas grinning out at me - clad in a red nightie, wearing CFM Red lipstick and boots, holding a three-pronged-forky-thing and matching horns.

Neighbour From Hell.


Oh nevermind.

Anyway. I saluted her with my broom and cackled and she went "OOOOOOhhh ahahahaha! Marvellous!"
I love a hoor that observes her traditional holidays. Can't wait to see what she does for Guy Fawkes...