Hoors? Yeah... Hoors. Prostitutes, Tarts, Hookers, Ladies of Negotiable Affection, call them what you will. For 8 years or so I lived in granite tenement. My Neighbours Were Hoors. Sadly for us all (!?) the brothel was closed down and I moved out of the area. I never did get around to writing about the court case though...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

SB 04-100 Smoking, Health and Social Care (Scotland) Bill - Smoking Ban in Certain Wholly Enclosed Public Places.

To keep topical, I really should have written this post on Sunday when Scotland's ban on smoking in public places began. But sorry. I was busy.

For those of you unaware, as of Sunday March 26th, smoking is now banned in enclosed spaces such as workplaces, pubs, clubs, restaurants, shopping centres and social clubs.

The boy and I skipped back from the pub on sunday, stench free and clear of lung.
Workplaces and social clubs, eh?

I wonder if the smoking ban includes brothels?

The Hoors flat has more than three walls. Does this mean that the punter will be charged an extra 50 quid if he is found smoking there? Will the hoor herself be charged an on the spot fine of 200 quid for not stopping him?

Will punters be forced to stand outside in their kecks for their post-coital fag?[1]

Just wondering...

[1] Note for Americans. Fag means cigarette in Scotland. Don't get confused.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Relating to the last post....

So when I was doing other blog related stuff, I did a search on "UK Prostitution"

And on the RHS under Google Sponsored Links?


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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Another Comedy Google Search

I'm still cackling at this Google search that led someone to My Neighbours Are Hoors earlier today -

"Where have all the prostitutes gone in Birmingham?"

A question truly worthy of asking Uncle Google. I will give you an answer. Downstairs. The lot of them. All servicing punters and organising tricks in their black country patois. You can barely move down there for Birmingham Hoors!

Sorry Birmingham. Perhaps you can steal some Hoors from Kings Cross? Maybe like a Hoor Experience Placement or something? Maybe put it on their CV...

Thursday, March 16, 2006

This post will only make sense to a few Brits of the right age...

I'm sure I must be wrong here... But I swear I just saw Captain Sensible putting rubbish out into one of the big communal bins...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Traffic Cone

I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank the comedy genius who was kind and thoughtful enough to leave a traffic cone on my car this morning.

Truly sir (and I have no doubt you are a sir), you are the funniest man that ever lived.


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Boy's First Experience

"I think I saw a punter today!" cried The Boy when I got home from work the other day. He seemed quite surprised by this.

Actually, people are often surprised by the fact that I often come across punters during my comings and goings from the flat. There's a brothel down there. Men come to the brothel to have sex with women for money. To do this, they have to enter the building. To enter the building, they have to ring the buzzer and wait. They have no powerful ability to turn themselves invisible or turn themselves into a mist so they can enter through the letterbox.

Unless X-Men are so shunned by society that they find themselves coming to the Grey Toon for a bit of company. I don't know.

Anyway. The Boy left the flat and found an old man standing there. The old man asked him if this was "Address Of The Hoors, The Grey Toon" and The Boy replied that yes indeed, it was. Then the old man kind of shuffled around in an embarrassed manner.

Poor guy. I do hope he didn't think The Boy was a Rent Boy and that he'd come to the wrong kind of establishment...