My Neighbours Are Hoors!: Traffic Cone

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Traffic Cone

I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank the comedy genius who was kind and thoughtful enough to leave a traffic cone on my car this morning.

Truly sir (and I have no doubt you are a sir), you are the funniest man that ever lived.

Ahahaha.

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Cast of Main Players

Back in 2006, I decided to list the main players in my blog in a handy column to ease any reader's confusion. That, and I wanted The Nice Neighbours to read this before they thought I was slagging them off and were likely to come downstairs to beat me up with a big hammer!

This is the text as it stood in January 2006.

NEIGHBOUR OF TEH HOORS - i.e. ME. I have been living above a brothel for almost eight years. The novelty still hasn't worn off.

THE HOORS live on the ground floor in a one bedroom flat and are Prostitutes. They aren't from round these parts, but come up to The Grey Toon from places like London, Liverpool, Bristol and Birmingham because the The Grey Toon is tolerant and full of oil money.

THE DEAD MAN is the (ex?) alcoholic who used to look like a Zombie. Has been looking very healthy lately, so I think he's given up the drink.

THE COUNCIL MAN livesw on the ground floor opposite the hoors and is a very nice man. He works for the council and once offered me the use of his drain rods.

SHETLAND BOY lives with his girlfriend in the flat above me. Both are ideal neighbours. Not actually from Shetland. I think one of my friends thought he was and so the name stuck.

SHETLAND GIRL owns the flat next to Shetland Boy and is also very lovely. She has moved out though, and her Little Brother lives there now. Again, not actually from Shetland.

LITTLE BROTHER/BUSTED now live in Shetland Girl's flat. Seemed to be very polite spikey haired youths until they started holding chimp's tea parties but with Tennents and not Tetleys.

TNWTCH or, The Neighbour With The Cool Hair - lives next to me (Edit from 2012 - lovely, lovely bloke who I ever bump into when I'm steamin'). One couldn't wish for a better neighbour.

THE BOY - is my boyfriend who moved in a month or so ago. So far he is not put off by the fact his girlfriend lives above a brothel.