Hoors? Yeah... Hoors. Prostitutes, Tarts, Hookers, Ladies of Negotiable Affection, call them what you will. For 8 years or so I lived in granite tenement. My Neighbours Were Hoors. Sadly for us all (!?) the brothel was closed down and I moved out of the area. I never did get around to writing about the court case though...

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

News from Tillydrone

My Tillydrone Correspondant writes today:

All has been quiet in my little corner of town; sadly as they say in the films too quiet.........

Was having a fantastic sleep last night, when I was interupted by some 3 Tillydronian boys having a slanging match outside my window.

'You f**king told me it was round here you f**ing c**t'
'No i didn't you f**ker'
'F**k you'
'No you F**k you'
'Go f**k yourself!'
'Well I'll f**king have tae if we cannae find this f**ing brothel'

I almost stuck my head out of the window to tell them that:
a. it was in the next street along and
b. the polis had closed it down two weeks ago.

However; even I have some self preservation instinct so I kept my pearls of wisdom to myself and watched them try to drunkenly beat the crap out of each other with one hand on my mobile in case an ambulance was needed. Luckily, they were all too pished for their punches to connect with anything and they disappeared into the night.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Gie A Flooer Tae A Hoor


Someone has given the hoors flowers! Yes. I know. It may have been their birthday and the flowers might have been from their mum or whatever... but I much prefer to believe that some nice Punter is more appreciative than most. They're carnations and they're in a lovely earthenware vase on the hoor's windowsill, just beyond the scabby net curtains.

I know for sure I'd appreciate Flooers if I were a Hoor.

Thus I would like to propose a new date for our calendars: Hoor Appreciation Day. (Perhaps on the 22nd July which is something to do with Mary Magdalen?)

And on this day we should all show appreciation for those working in the oldest job in the world and perhaps Gie a Flooer Tae A Hoor. (Translation: Give a flower to a lady of negotiable affection).

It would make the world a happier place.

Saturday, July 09, 2005


So that's me back from the Glastonbury Festival and subsequent fun in England. (Where it wasn't a case of My Neighbours Are Hoors, so much as My Neighbours were Washed Away).


The Dead Man (who is looking extremely grey today) just knocked on the door to see if I'm OK because he's not seen me about for a bit!

Makes a change. It's usually me sniffing at the suspicious smell and panicking that his corpse is lying there rotting.