Hoors? Yeah... Hoors. Prostitutes, Tarts, Hookers, Ladies of Negotiable Affection, call them what you will. For 8 years or so I lived in granite tenement. My Neighbours Were Hoors. Sadly for us all (!?) the brothel was closed down and I moved out of the area. I never did get around to writing about the court case though...

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Why street hoors are best working after dark

When you go to the cinema down at the beach in The Grey Toon, you have a couple of options for best en-route entertainment:

1) Roll down your windows, rev your engine in a manner that will make everyone think you have a tiny penis, turn up your tinny copy of 2 Unlimited's greatest hits and go Booley Cruisin down the Beach Boulevard.
2) Go down Castle Street past the now closed Crow's Nest ("Most talked about food in the city!"), past Cotton Street, round Miller Street, down St Clement St and left up Wellington St to the big beach front car park.

The second of these routes is of course entertaining because it is The Grey Toon's Green light district and hence you can play spot the hoor (as my next post will detail) if it's the right time of day.

Last saturday though we were on the way to an early showing at the cinema and didn't expect there to be any hoors out in the clear light of day. My friend in the back seat was the first to spot one out early doing a bit of overtime.

"Hey look - I thought the hoors didn't come out until dark! She's out early isn't she? Why do they usually not come out until dark anyway?"

We drove past her in silence, pondering this.

The hoor looked like Carol Vorderman from a distance - you know, in one of those short designer dresses she wears to the ITV awards... Long attractive legs, flicking her hair over her shoulder, doing a complicated bit of long division and all that. Until we got closer and she grinned at us, her potential customers. Which was when we realised she was totally void of front teeth...

Question answered.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Where have they gone?

So here I am, writing this just fresh out of the taxi of the most easily despiseable taxi driver in the whole of the grey toon.

Pal. Don't rant to me. Don't rant to me at all. Especially about:

a) The new shops they're building at the Haudagin Roundabout.
b) The city bypass.
c) Organic Farms.
d) My choice of mechanic. He is a lovely man and not a crook. When was the last time someone fixed YOUR alternator for free?
e) Other taxi drivers. Especially the ones with the green plates.
f) Wellington Road.

And then when you drop me off after taking the slowest route possible, don't ask me where the Hoors have gone! Yes. I know you like to everything that's going on and Yes. I know you had one of them sorting out her paraphenalia (!?) in your back seat. But that doesn't give you the right to have an additional 5 minute rant and inquisition once you've taken me to my destination.



Sunday, March 18, 2007

Come see this web page!

Following the appearance of My Neighbours Are Hoors in the Scottish Sun a week or so back, I had the following conversation with a friend through in one of the other offices:

"Heymin! Come here and see this web page!" she cries, pointing to a rather familiar site. "My Neighbours Are Hoors!!! Did you nae used to live above hoors? You and this girl should get together and compare notes! She could even report some of your hoor stories for you!"

Much laughter followed and I promised that I would, indeed, look up the site when I got home.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

"Cheeky Blog of Girl In Flat"


I came home to many texts and emails on thursday. For this most 'umble blog has been covered in none other than Britain's top Tabloid, The Sun.

Linky: The Scottish Sun's article on My Neighbours Are Hoors

My favourite bits are
  1. the title - "Cheeky" is a much underused word. Today I will try to use it all the time.
  2. the bits in bold. The Sun doing what The Sun does best - summing it all up in 3 bold words, just in case you don't have enough time in your fag break to read the whole thing "Photos," "Saucy" and "Whipping" - Saucy is another word that should be used more.
  3. Their photo of what one of the hoors might have looked like - I think they've done a very good job here.
My workmates particularly liked "the sound of punters being WHIPPED echoes through the tenement"


My mother always warned me that if I wasn't a good little girl, I'd end up on the front page of The Sun... I am more than satisfied with "page 50, next to the debt ads." Class!

Edit: I managed to use "Cheeky" 3 times today. And "Saucy" twice. (But saucy was describing our supper).