Hoors? Yeah... Hoors. Prostitutes, Tarts, Hookers, Ladies of Negotiable Affection, call them what you will. For 8 years or so I lived in granite tenement. My Neighbours Were Hoors. Sadly for us all (!?) the brothel was closed down and I moved out of the area. I never did get around to writing about the court case though...

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Happy Birthday and a bit

"My Neighbours Are Hoors" has been on the go for 1 year and 2 days!

This post was brought to you before the last post because I was out on the piss in The Burgh on friday.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Happy Birthday!

"My Neighbours Are Hoors!" is 1 year old today! :D

This post was brought to you by the people who like round numbers. :)

Sunday, November 21, 2004

"Someone Nicked Your Floorboards!?"

I have been asked following a previous post: "Someone nicked your floorboards!?"


What really? Yes. Well... What happened was that once the smelly wee ned with the fucking fuck girlfriend (link) moved out, (read: were evicted) the flat owners sold it. They sold it to the nice man in fact. However, before they could do this, they had to get the wet rot seen to.

This involved renewing the joists and the floorboards for half of the front rooms.

Now I have to admit that for a couple of weeks my bed did seem to be at a bit of an angle and that it did creak and groan at the slightest provocation and that it certainly wasn't up to infantile trampolining fun. Nevertheless, it did take me about 3 weeks to actually get around to investigating it.

I pulled the bed back and there I saw... A HOLE.

Not any sort of mysterious portal to another dimension or anything... No. Just a space. A space where my lovely sanded, treated, stained and varnished floorboards should have been.

Bloody builders next door had been pulling out the old floorboards from next door and guess what? had bloody well heaved my floorboards out from underneath me from beneath the partition wall. Bloody thick bastards hadn't even noticed that half the floorboards were nice and red and shiney!

So this is a warning to you all : BEWARE THE FLOORBOARD THIEVES! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU!!!


Saturday, November 13, 2004

My Neighbours Are... Really Quite Cultured Acutally

Flying past the brothel this morning on a way to a doctors appointment, guess what I heard coming from the flat?

Whiplashes and anguished moans?
Grunts and groans?
The comedy bedsprings of passion?

Nothing like a nice bit of moving emotional opera first thing in the morning to get you ready for the day's work ahead...

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

A Little Upset.

Following the Chimp's Tea Party, I think the 24 Hour Party People (if it is indeed them and not just some other drug taking simians that have moved in) have pissed off one of the other tennement residents.

In strange angular letters, someone has carved "JUST DIE!" on their door.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Suzi Quattro Investigates

I was thundering into the building with a big armful of stuff today and out came... in a fluster of black leather and cheap jewellery... Suzi Quattro!

I've still not established if she's maid/madame or hoor but I think she has other talents as well.

Such as... Ninja Crime Investigator. The way she flew out of her flat towards me as if she was about to apprehend me perhaps makes me think this.

Such as... Top Actress. The way she innocently pretended she wasn't stampeding out of the flat after something or someone. The way she spotted me and camly smiled and walked past me to the door and casually looked up and down the street before regally returning back to her flat.

I didn't ask about her other talents :P

Thursday, November 04, 2004

My Neighbours Are... Chimps!

After a very restless night waking up every hour and looking at the clock, I got out of my bed this morning. I think I know now why I was waking up every hour.

For it appears that My Neighbours are not only Hoors, Suzi Quattro, Junkies, or Dead Old Men... But Chimps also.

Which is lovely.

Except that they appear to have left their teacups and car tyre swings alone last night and had a gay old time with the piles of post that was sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

Free newspapers have been gaily festooned all over the place, electricity bills have been shredded and hung from the bannister and other really bits of important mail (for all those people who want a loan etc) have been scattered to all four corners of the stair well.

Little bastards.

Bad Chimps! No bananas!

P.S. 2001 Hits to my blog! :)

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

My Neighbours Are... Suzie Quattro!

Blearily crawling out of my bed yesterday morning, I made my way to my car. Getting in to it I spotted a laaady. Now. I'm not sure if she is

a) a new madam
b) the maid
c) one of the smacked arse jobs I was talking about earlier

but bloody hell. She has been given a MAKEOVER!!!

As... Suzie Quattro!

(Good pun title suggestions always welcome)