Hoors? Yeah... Hoors. Prostitutes, Tarts, Hookers, Ladies of Negotiable Affection, call them what you will. For 8 years or so I lived in granite tenement. My Neighbours Were Hoors. Sadly for us all (!?) the brothel was closed down and I moved out of the area. I never did get around to writing about the court case though...

Sunday, November 21, 2004

"Someone Nicked Your Floorboards!?"

I have been asked following a previous post: "Someone nicked your floorboards!?"


What really? Yes. Well... What happened was that once the smelly wee ned with the fucking fuck girlfriend (link) moved out, (read: were evicted) the flat owners sold it. They sold it to the nice man in fact. However, before they could do this, they had to get the wet rot seen to.

This involved renewing the joists and the floorboards for half of the front rooms.

Now I have to admit that for a couple of weeks my bed did seem to be at a bit of an angle and that it did creak and groan at the slightest provocation and that it certainly wasn't up to infantile trampolining fun. Nevertheless, it did take me about 3 weeks to actually get around to investigating it.

I pulled the bed back and there I saw... A HOLE.

Not any sort of mysterious portal to another dimension or anything... No. Just a space. A space where my lovely sanded, treated, stained and varnished floorboards should have been.

Bloody builders next door had been pulling out the old floorboards from next door and guess what? had bloody well heaved my floorboards out from underneath me from beneath the partition wall. Bloody thick bastards hadn't even noticed that half the floorboards were nice and red and shiney!

So this is a warning to you all : BEWARE THE FLOORBOARD THIEVES! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU!!!


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