Hoors? Yeah... Hoors. Prostitutes, Tarts, Hookers, Ladies of Negotiable Affection, call them what you will. For 8 years or so I lived in granite tenement. My Neighbours Were Hoors. Sadly for us all (!?) the brothel was closed down and I moved out of the area. I never did get around to writing about the court case though...

Friday, May 27, 2005

Moving On

Well, last week I had the most interesting telephone conversation with my Mother. Apparently (after me having lived here for 6 years) the family isn't happy with me living here, above the brothel. Which is fair enough I suppose...

At first I was dead against moving. I like living where I am! It's within staggering distance from the pubs and there's all sorts of amenities nearby (no hoor puns please). However, I eventually admitted it'd be quite good to become a Property Magnate and buy a new flat and rent this one out.

I went over to their house to tell them my idea. My mum and dad considered this. And then looked puzzled when I had a fit when they said I'd have to properly think about the PROS and CONS first.


PROS and CONS! *wipes a tear from her eye*


Friday, May 20, 2005

From the Tillydrone Correspondant - The Pissing Postie

Another entry from my Tillydrone Correspondant. Imagine how much my day at work was brightened by this email:

"Left house for work and bumped into postie in the side passage to my house

Him: I've got some leaflets for you. Do you want them now or through you letter box?

Me: I don't want them at all; I'm on the postal preference service so I don't get these things

Him: Are you sure? He gives me a strange look....

I look at the floor and notice a puddle - look up the wall for the outlet pipe - there is none... and then I notice steam coming from said puddle. Gradually I realise that I've just interrupted my postie pissing on my house....

Me: Yes I'm sure...... I think my house has just sprung a leak- have you any idea what might cause a leak like that??

Him: No. Are you sure you don't want your leaflets????

Fecking pissing bastard - meant to give him a bucket and ask him to clean up but sadly it took a bit long for my jaw to stop dropping at the realisation that I have just missed seeing my postmans willie.....


Monday, May 16, 2005

Tillydrone Correspondant - Avenging Vigilante!

Another email from my Tillydrone Correspondant a few months ago.

"Was on my way to bed last night when I saw two kids checking out the car.

"I clicked the key so that the indicators flashed and they scarpered. About 3 minutes later I heard the distinctive screech of wheel spin and the same little bastards were high tailing it in a golf GTI. Phoned the police and they caught one of the little fuckers.

"Am ever so proud of myself; the residents of Tillydrone can now sleep safe at night. Sadly (at least to my neo Daily mail reading make over self) they can't do much to the kids as they were about 14. Bollocks.

"Obviously I would have them in the chain gang in the fish gutting factory but you can't have everything!

"Off to buy multiple steering wheel locks, a car alarm and a tazar incase of retaliation!"

(This was the point at which I started nagging her to have the Tillydrone Blog, but she's not having any of it. Hence my Tillydrone correspondant! :D)

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Upon my return...

I go away for 2 weeks and upon my return...

I discover something.

Something I am very, very proud of.

My Neighbours Are Hoors has its first FLAME WAR! *squeals delightedly*

For the record...

1) I have no problem with the way people write comments on my blog. Doric is good. Scots is good. If anyone wants any more words added to the My Neighbours Are Hoors Glossary (TM), then that is no problem! :)

2) However... txt spk is bloody annoying 4|\||) 50 15 1337 5p34|< (although very much more amusing than txt spk

3) Fudge is teh language expert. Don't mess with her or she'll tie you in celtic knots. (Pun most definitely intended) . Irvine Welsh? Pah! Gimme Buff Hardie any time. Actually. I'd really like a version of "Trainspotting the WHAT!?"

4) Many more flame wars welcome of course - especially if they're in cockney rhyming slang, sanskrit, that language masai warriors use with the clicking, and of course... Wookie. ;)

Also, I'm almost at 30,000 hits! Bloody hellfire! Guess I'd better start posting again after my long phase of Apathy. (So marked it needs a capital A). My Tillydrone Correspondant has been having an eventful time of it in my absence, so I'll be reporting on that soon!

P.S. Bedouin bag of kittens gone now - cheers! ;)

P.P.S. Check out My Crazy Neighbour which has had a great refurbishment - Welcome back!

Thursday, May 05, 2005


Whose bloody golf bag is that in the hall!? It's big enough to fit a bedouin's EARTHLY BELONGINGS in!?!

I really hope this isn't going to turn into "The Lawnmower II - The Golf Bag's revenge"