Hoors? Yeah... Hoors. Prostitutes, Tarts, Hookers, Ladies of Negotiable Affection, call them what you will. For 8 years or so I lived in granite tenement. My Neighbours Were Hoors. Sadly for us all (!?) the brothel was closed down and I moved out of the area. I never did get around to writing about the court case though...

Monday, June 28, 2004

You GO girl!


My neighbour was about to get out of bed in the middle of the night some time last week, get dressed, and go give the 24 Hour Party People (new name for the bellowing-people downstairs) merry hell when he heard one of the ladies get out of her flat and scream at them furiously in a mancunian accent for keeping her up all night by partying!

YOU GO GIRL!!! (does the Ricky Lake dance)

I love the Hoors :)

Sleeping like a log

It is official! I sleep like a log.

I was just talking to my neighbour just now (one of the nice ones!)... and the conversation turned (inevitably) to the tenement's "goings on."

Apparently... there was more anguished bellowing from our friendly neighbourhood druggies this week. Seemingly I have finally gotten to the stage where I'm so used to slum-livin' that I peacefully slept right through it.

oh hurrah.

Thursday, June 17, 2004


I wonder what legalities would be involved in me putting a web cam focused on the front door of the tenement? Perhaps across the road in a tree... Perhaps in the hoor's buzzer itself. Imagine being able to check out the front door of a brothel in real-time as the punters buzz for the hoors!


Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Ello Ello Ello II - the sequel

They came back after my last post. And it turns out they were from the drug squad. :|

I asked them if they're sure they were asking about the right neighbours as there is a brothel on the ground floor.

"Yes" nodded one. We know about them.
The other smiled sadly at me: What a lovely building you live in!

Me: *sob*

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Ello Ello Ello

The police were here again today. These were proper exciting police who were looking for the ned downstairs that keeps me up late at night playing crap rave music and having people screaming and bleeding all over the stairwell.

And they were IN PLAIN CLOTHES! (which is relatively more exciting than your bobby on the beat)

They didn't know what flat he lived in and I was a bit unwilling to give any information until they showed me their ID's.
"Police eh? It'll be him downstairs"

I managed to restrain myself from saying "Unless you're after the Pimp for the ground floor?"

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Quote of the month!

When I am not blogging, I play an online game (lawks! fluffs and flames to you all, dearies!)

Tonight I was telling my mum all about my blog and my web page and how I spend time working on them of an evening...

My mum: so THIS is why your phone is always online?
Me: yes!
My mum: and when you're doing this... are you on the game?
Me (not catching on): Sometimes.I'm usually talking to people... but

My mum: Um i don't mean "on the game" i mean... er... um... well...

Yaay mum! :D *big grin*

Thursday, June 10, 2004


Usually, when I come home from work and park my car across the street and there is someone standing perusing the buzzers, I sit in my car and wait til they go in or give up and go away. Sometimes they stay there a LONG time. A Long Long time. And so I give up and stomp into the building past them.

This one time though. I wasn't in the mood for hanging around at all and when I saw two guys hanging around outside the tenement with clipboards browsing the buzzers I just decided to park my car and stomp past them. This I did. I didn't want to think of this particular Punter/Hoor/Punter/Clipboard fetish for any longer than I had to. However... They were in the way.

"Excuse me," said a beaming, smartly dressed American.
"Yes?" says I.
"We're trying to get someone to answer a buzzer in this here block of flats" says the other. Also beaming and smartly dressed.
"Yes?" says I.
"Do you live here?" asks no 1.
"Yeeessss?" says I.
"What about these other here buzzers?" asks no 2.
"Ummm. Well... This one is offshore..." I point to the buzzers, "This one is empty... This one does night shift... This one will still be at work... This one is also empty... This one is me... This guy I don't know... And this one here... ummm. I don't know about."
"Ah well!" enthuses no 1. "We're from The Church of the Latter Day Saints..."
"Ah!" says I. The beaming-ness and the smart dress... And the aura of good-ness. I can tell you all about Mormon Missionaries. In fact... That is a WHOLE different blog! Perhaps I'll get around to it later.

Anyway. I continue, politely: "I'm afraid I'm already following my own religion.... Although! I do respect what you folks do and how you're fighting the good fight and all that, I'm afraid I'm not up for converting"

"Well! Thanks for being so straight with us ma'am! It sure is appreciated, he beams"
We shake hands and I put my key towards the lock.

"Ah... before you go... is there anyone else here you think may be in need of some salvation?"

Me (pausing with a key half way into the lock): *evil soap opera grin*

Sunday, June 06, 2004


Look. Hoors. You KNOW I love you. I leant you my candle and we cut that tree down at your back window. You ARE loveable cockney hoors... but for goodness sake. PLEASE don't piss off every taxi driver in The Grey Toon?

Every time. EVERY TIME I get a taxi... they ask me about you.

Please try to be a little more discreet. If you're visiting a punter, please make sure your last punter has left before the taxi arrives? If you're making them hang around for 5-10 minutes waiting for you... please have the good grace to smile apologetically at them out of the window and assure them you're coming? And if you're getting mysterious packages delivered from the dodgier side of town? Please disguise the fact that it's Class A drugs...



My neighbours are wierd. (see below)

but last night was fun!

I woke around ummm. 3am? What did I hear? "Fee Fiii Fohhh Fummmm!"
*knock knock knock* Feeee Fiiii Fohhhhh Fummmm!"

I shook my head and fell asleep again.

5 minutes later i was awakened again. "Little Pig! Little Pig!" said a voice. "Let me in!"

"Not by the non-existant hair of my chinny chin chin" thought I. and went back to sleep.

Lunatics the lot of them.