Another time, my upstairs neighbour, J, and I were clearing out the back garden of the tenement.
All sorts we found!!! A wasps nest... Fishing equipment... Diving equipment (gas, flippers and all)... Ice skates. Perhaps an old resident went through a phase of looking for the right hobby... I don't know. (Excluding the wasps nest. I can't think of many hobbies that involve wasps nests).
We made an old toilet bowl into an attractive planter for poppies. We peered into the shed at the end that we reckoned The Godfather (ground floor right) was keeping horses heads in. We restrung the clothes line. We returned the supermarket trolley to Iceland (the shop not the country) and then we put our hands on our hips (in manner of I Love Lucy - we even had the spotted headscarves) and looked at The Big Tree.
I don't know what kind of tree this Big Tree is. Only that since I moved in, it has been cut right back almost every year and by September it's thriving again. Bastard thing. It's still there. Bullying everything but the dandelions.
So we got out the secateurs. We got out the saw... We cleared the window on the first floor first of all and then eventually the window of Ground Floor Left. And then the curtains on Ground Floor Left (the Hoors' flat) twitched. A face appeared. A face vanished. The back door to the tenement creaked slowly open. A Hoor appeared! Wearing what I can only describe as half of an outfit. i.e. A red jumper on top and items I can only describe as "saucy" on the bottom. Plus some scuffed stilettoes. Actually perhaps she was wearing her entire outfit for the day and had only put on the red jumper to cover up. I don't know.
"Wow! It's so LIGHT in there now! I can see SO MUCH!"
We Shuddered. We heard her buzzer go. "OOOOOH! ExCUSE me! Must be going. Thanks you two!" she grinned. We smiled and waved. "Lovely girl" we noted.
Then she reappeared at the window. Winked. And drew the curtains.
We shuddered.
Then we heard her chatting quietly to her punter.
"Shall I go in and get a radio?" I asked
Well... Not that many years ago I lived above a brothel in the Grey Toon in Scotland. Out of a confused mixture of irritation and amusement, I started to blog about it.
1 comment:
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