My Neighbours Are Hoors!: Boaby Massage

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Boaby Massage - now only 25 quid!

So there's a Chinese medicine shop at Holburn Junction...

I was sitting in traffic the other evening, preparing to run the gauntlet of drunken neds running across Union Street, and I chanced to look a a nice new shiny advert in their window which proclaimed - "Only £25! Foot and Boby Massage!"

And I wondered... Had it been an accidental mis-spelling of Body? Or even more tragically, had they been intending to offer a boaby massage for only 25 quid?

If it was a boaby massage, I wonder if the Grey Toon Polis Cuttin-Doon-On-Hoors Division should be informed?

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Cast of Main Players

Back in 2006, I decided to list the main players in my blog in a handy column to ease any reader's confusion. That, and I wanted The Nice Neighbours to read this before they thought I was slagging them off and were likely to come downstairs to beat me up with a big hammer!

This is the text as it stood in January 2006.

NEIGHBOUR OF TEH HOORS - i.e. ME. I have been living above a brothel for almost eight years. The novelty still hasn't worn off.

THE HOORS live on the ground floor in a one bedroom flat and are Prostitutes. They aren't from round these parts, but come up to The Grey Toon from places like London, Liverpool, Bristol and Birmingham because the The Grey Toon is tolerant and full of oil money.

THE DEAD MAN is the (ex?) alcoholic who used to look like a Zombie. Has been looking very healthy lately, so I think he's given up the drink.

THE COUNCIL MAN livesw on the ground floor opposite the hoors and is a very nice man. He works for the council and once offered me the use of his drain rods.

SHETLAND BOY lives with his girlfriend in the flat above me. Both are ideal neighbours. Not actually from Shetland. I think one of my friends thought he was and so the name stuck.

SHETLAND GIRL owns the flat next to Shetland Boy and is also very lovely. She has moved out though, and her Little Brother lives there now. Again, not actually from Shetland.

LITTLE BROTHER/BUSTED now live in Shetland Girl's flat. Seemed to be very polite spikey haired youths until they started holding chimp's tea parties but with Tennents and not Tetleys.

TNWTCH or, The Neighbour With The Cool Hair - lives next to me (Edit from 2012 - lovely, lovely bloke who I ever bump into when I'm steamin'). One couldn't wish for a better neighbour.

THE BOY - is my boyfriend who moved in a month or so ago. So far he is not put off by the fact his girlfriend lives above a brothel.