On Returning Home

Some people just attract the attention of wandering lunatics. I am one of them. From an early age I have come to accept this. (There could follow many tales of being adopted on planes, trains and buses by Chinese Fortunetellers, Men of the cloth from Ghana and a Dundonian pauper with a penchant for Tolstoy... But I don't want to bore you).

Hence when I'm walking down the road with random people shouting "Hey you! Heymin! You!" at me, I tend to keep walking... just in case they try to show me their spoon collection or something.

So when I was getting the usual "Hemin! Hey! You! Youthere!" on the way back from the pub the other night (see previous post), I just ignored it. Until the guy went "Hey You! Yeah you! Neighbour!" - Well then I had to stop. Just in case it was Council Man and he was going to tell me more about the state of the hoors pants on the washing line...

But it wasn't him! Oh no. This was someone else. In fact two other people I'd not spoken to before. They'd obviously recognised me though, because one of them (drunkenly) introduced himself as the guy that had just bought the ground floor flat in the tenement UP the street. And his friend lived on the second floor of the next tenement DOWN the street (the one with the rottweilier hanging oot the windae).

"Helloooo Hellodere!" says Up-the-street. "Me an ma pal here want tae ask ye a question!"

Short pause as Doon-the-street introduces himself to The Boy (who is looking highly amused with the proceedings).

Up-the-street goes on. "See thae flat there..." he says, jabbing his finger at the hoors window. "Is it true? Is thur prossies in there than?"

Having had an enjoyable evening out, he's a bit pished and is altogether unconcerned about the volume of his question. I nod and confirm that, yes, there are hoors in the ground floor flat. I wonder what will happen if a hoor overhears and comes out to give him a good seeing-to.

"Faaaaaaaakin hell. Yon wifie in the chip shop telt me! But ah didnae believe it! How aboot that then? This area's got aaathin! It's close tae toon, there's a chipper and athin' and now I find oot we've got oor ain knockin' shop!"

"See yez round then," said Down-the street and the two off them staggered off.