Who Am I?

A couple of weekends ago, we had a most pleasant time out in The Shire. The main reason for which was to go to one of the Shire's Highland Gatherings. (However I'd better not tell you which one in case you all turn up trying to discover my secret identity. As we all know that celebrity spotting can spoil the atmosphere of the games.)

Saturday evening was lots of good food, good company and bountiful amounts of good wine and those new posh Pringles. (The crisps. We weren't eating golfer's socks.) After a while, someone suggested a game. The one where the name of a famous person is written on a sticky label on your forehead and you have to guess who you are by asking questions.

Soon it was my turn, and questions went like this:

Me: OK. Am I world Famous?
Them: You're certainly known of by people around the world.
Me: Am I male or female?
Them: Female. Probably.
Me: Am I famous for... um... sport?
Them: You probably need to be quite athletic, but that's not what you're famous for
Me: Hmmm. Am I in the entertainment industry?
Them: Yes!
Me: Mmmm. So I entertain people. Am I on TV?
Them: No.
Me: Film?
Them: No.
Me: Do I sing?
Them: Apparently so, but that's not what you're famous for.
Me: A book?
Them: *pause* No.
Me: Ooooh! You paused! Have I been written about?
Them: Yes!
Me: In a Magazine?
Them: No.
Me: In the papers?
Them: Not yet.
Me: Is this in the UK?
Them: Yes.
Me: Am I fictional!? This is bloody difficult.
Them: No. You're real. (The Boy nods emphatically)
Me: I'm not getting anywhere with this, am I? Ugh. Oh! Hold on. Am I alive or dead?
Them: Alive we'd hope!
Me: So... I'm still entertaining and wasn't famous in the past then? Am I'm still doing my job?
Them (thinking I need a bit of help): It's a very old profession... You could say one of the oldest.
Me: Ohhhh! Oh crap. Am I my neighbours? Am I The Hoors?
A cheer goes up.

Bastards.